I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
