Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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