Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
