If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
