it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
