I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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