1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
