he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
