your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
