i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
