its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
