so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
