Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
