trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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