sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
