remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
