The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
