i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
