Sry I called you an 8
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
