sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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