A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
