I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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