He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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