When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
