if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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