I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
