Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
