took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
