I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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