I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize