the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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