He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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