You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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