I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
