Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
