I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
