I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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