"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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