i think i have two assholes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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