We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
