Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there was a trapeze. enough said
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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