Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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