this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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