I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
