Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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