Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
