So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
