her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
