Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
