His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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