I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
