i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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