It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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