Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
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hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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