Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
