Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
