Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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