all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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