There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
