Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
