I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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