awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
