I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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