Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
this is an emotional support booty call
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
