just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
