The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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