hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
