are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
