When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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