We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
