dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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