Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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