just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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