If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
