getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
