he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
