i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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